WWE Monday Night RAW 4/23/2012
The Joe Louis Arena Detroit, MI
1. Contract Signing for Lesnar vs Cena: Extreme Rules Match...gets delayed.
Lesnar didn't come out as he had yet to arrive. Instead we get Edge who cuts a promo that Cena could only dream delivering. He tries to fire up WWE's big green Boy Scout, and ends by not asking Cena to somehow win, he tells him he better win.
This was fantastic. and it really made me miss Edge and his ability to put over a match and the passion he in his voice. It was also cool to see one of Cena's peers step up and remind him what this match means to his career and the WWE as a whole.
2. Chris Jericho vs Kofi Kingston
Jericho is great when put against these high flying Babyfaces. It almost reminds me of his WCW days in the cruiserweight division. Kofi and Jericho have had several matches in the past and this one was as good as any I've seen them have. It was given a decent amount of time for a TV match as well, which can only help these two great wrestlers show what they can do.
Finish: Kofi leaps at Jericho and gets caught with a Codebreaker in mid air. Jericho then slaps on an old school Liontamer to finish him off.
Winner: Chris Jericho by submission
Post match: Jericho takes the mic and continues to bash CM Punk and says that tonight he will give Punk a gift to help him cope after he loses the WWE Title this Sunday.
3. Big Johnny hires Eve into his regime. Who the hell cares, moving along.
4. CM Punk reveals the gift from Jericho is a basket full of Liquor.
I could really use that basket right now. Or at the very least a bartender. Its hard to leave my Laptop and pour my own drinks when writing these reviews. #FirstWorldProblems
5. R-Truth vs Lord Tensai
I have to say that the whole invisible Little Jimmy routine is working for me. Don't get me wrong, I wish WWE had left him as a Heel, but as second options go it could be worse. They could paint some Japanese scribbles on him and have him cut promos in two languages...
This was an almost total squash, as we have been seeing almost every week with this guy. Nothing of note to bring up, other than I don't give a Shit about Tensai.
Finish: Baldo Bomb followed by the Claw and Head smash combo.
Winner: Lord Tensai by Pinfall
6. Kane rambles about Orton as I sink into Apathy over this angle.
I mean really, who writes this crap? Why do I care? They have built Randy Orton to be a very unsympathetic character the last few years, so why do I care if Kane is trying to destroy him?
Orton cuts in from backstage and he is holding Paul Bearer hostage. Orton locks Bearer in a walk in freezer.
Didn't they kill Paul Bearer...twice?
Kane refuses to help his dad and Orton comes out to attack Kane, who is sent scrambling through the crowd after several shots with a lead pipe.
Whatever.
7. Alex Riley stops Jericho backstage and says that he spotted CM Punk drinking from the gift basket he was given earlier, Jericho confirms this and seems very happy for himself.
I hate it when Straight Edgers hog all the booze.
8. Alberto Del Rio & Cody Rhodes vs Big Show & The Great Khali
Show and Khali have to be the worst tag team I have ever seen, and I remember the Dicks.
I will never get why Khali is employed, I think even TNA would pass on that huge piece of crap. On second thought, X Division Champion Khali could be a possibility with how bad that company is run.
I just couldn't get into this match. I love Cody, Show, and Del Rio. But them combined does not equal how much I loath Khali and his presence on my television.
Finish: Del Rio leaves Cody to get destroyed. Chop/Chokeslam combo ends it for the Dashing One.
Winners: Big Show & The Great Khali
9. Jericho talks Big Johnny into giving Punk a field sobriety test. Punk is in violation of company rules by drinking 12 hours before a WWE event. Laurinaitis sends Teddy Long to do his dirty work.
I know that I am not the only one who knows where this is going...
10. Josh Mathews tries to interview Brock Lesnar and gets thrown into some metal fencing.
I haven't seen bulling that bad since the last time I logged onto Facebook. I guess nerds don't rule the world...yet.
11. Diva's Title Match: Beth Phoenix vs Nikki Bella
Eve comes out before the match and makes it a Lumberjill match, since the Bellas are known to cheat...and they don't play by the rules either.
By the way, that useless set of lips known as AJ is nowhere to be found.
Cole says that Beth has had the Diva's title for over 200 days, I bet she is dropping the belt tonight. Beth sends Nikki out and goes to follow. In the act she very obviously injures her ankle.
Finish: Nikki rolls up Beth to win the Diva's Title.
Winner and New Champion: Nikki Bella
12. Teddy Long tells Punk that he will be given a Sobriety test in the ring next. Punk plays up being drunk.
If I didn't know better, I would think that Punk has been drunk before.
13. The CM Punk field Sobriety Test
Jericho comes out to witness the test and to see Punk stripped of the title.
Punk comes to the ring acting like Road Warrior Hawk circa 1998, aka acting drunk as hell. This really reminds me of the Lawler/Jake Roberts feud from 1996 as Punk is obviously just fooling Jericho. Punk takes the mic, and calls the WWE "the WWF". Nice touch.
They start by making Punk do the alphabet backwards, I cant do that either BTW, and I have only had two drinks.
Next comes dreaded the line walk. Punk cant even make it four feet.
Jericho wants Teddy top declare Punk stripped, and himself the new Champion.
The Detroit PD declares Punk to be Drunk.
Teddy goes to take the belt, bu Punk wants a redo. Punk then says the alphabet backwards while walking a straight line complete with a Ric Flair strut.
Punk then unloads on Y2J, beating him all the way up the ramp.
This has to be the segment of the night and did so much for this feud. I cant wait to see the pay off on Sunday.
14. Sheamus vs Mark Henry
Daniel Bryan is made the guest ref. YES! YES! YES!
This match only exsists to further this feud. And dear god, are these two the opposite ends of the color spectrum or what?
Finish: Bryan distracts Sheamus and Henry takes advantage. Bryan uses a quick count to end it.
Winner: Mark Henry
Post Match: Bryan goes to leave as Sheamus tosses him back in. Sheamus with a Brogue Kick on Henry. Bryn takes out Sheamus' leg and applies the Yes Lock.
I think these two have a lot to prove after their Mania match and getting bumped off of the card last year. They have a chance to steal the show this sunday and I think they have a shot at overshadowing Lesnar and Cena.
15. Non-title: Zack Ryder & Santino vs Epico & Primo
I can see Santino and Ryder being a permanent Tag Team. We need all we can get after all.
At the same time, why even have Tag Teams if the matches are all non-title? This is ridiculous.
Finish: Satino hits the Cobra for the 3 count.
Winner: Zack Ryder & Santino
Does this mean Ryder and Santino will get a title shot? Probably not, since Santino defends the US Title against The Miz via Youtube on Sunday. But I will continue to hope for a tag team revolution.
16. Kane finds Paul Bearer in the freezer, only to push him back in.
Why?!!! Just leave Paul dead this time, please.
17. Dolph Ziggler & Jack Swagger vs Brodus Clay & Hornswoggle
Poor Dolp Ziggler. Four months ago he was the number one contender for Punk's WWE title, and now he has been put in a match sponsored by Taco Bell. WTF? Ziggler is probably the most talented guy on the roster not being pushed by WWE. He should be moved to Smackdown and given a main event spot. I could see Dolph vs Orton or Sheamus for the title. And why not? As it stands, Bryan is the only credible main event heel on the show, as remember Kane is a Raw star. Off topic, watching Dolph kick around a midget was awesome.
More Comedy BS as it would have to be given his opponents. At least Clay has a hidden mean streak. Hornswoggle, not so much.
Finish: Vicky saves Ziggler by slapping Clay, causing a DQ.
Winners: Brodus Clay & Hornswoggle
Post match: Vicky bullies Hornswoggle and gets bit in her ass for her trouble. Ugh.
18. The Cena Lesnar: Extreme Rules contract signing take two.
This time it's Cena who no-shows. Lesnar lays down a bunch of demands to Big Johnny. It was nice seeing Laurinaitis sweat. Lesnar then signs after Laurinaitis hesitently agrees.
It was nice to see that Lesnar isn't simply Big Johnny's puppet.
Out comes Cena to make this thing official with his old school chain in hand. It seems to be 70-30 for Cena tonight in Detroit. Another reason why I hate that city.
Cena grabs a pen, but is leery about signing. But, Lesnar pushes him until he signs and pushes overt the table.
We have a showdown, but Lesnar leaves the ring with a smile on his face to end the show.
What a shitty ending!! This segment just left me with a pro wrestling equivalent of blue balls. I have no more interest in seeing their match than I did last week. Wasted opportunity if you ask me. I do want to see this match, but this show just didn't further the issue. If I were WWE I would start doing a better job of luring in the people who are on the fence about whether or not they want to order the show. The contract signing took away two segments of TV time and it did absolutely nothing for them. Why not just do a ridiculous injury angle and postpone the match till may while you are at it. Way to go WWE.
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